Well Wisher or Not!!!!

 Well Wishers or Not a Well Wisher

Learning is the most inevitable part of our lives, we learn from what we do & we also learn from what we choose not to do.

We all come across people that in one or another ways impart necessary learnings, so either we can choose to become a listener with patience, an observer with intent & a learner full of gratitude or we follow the most popular way of learning things, the hard way.

Along the way up in life, it becomes very important to understand & identify who is actually a well wisher, or more critically when is someone wishing well & when they are not wishing well for us.

The realization about who actually wished well & who stood by watching us, mostly comes after either we have entered into a difficult situation or we may have just managed to come out of it anyhow. And all these can be analyzed in time if we are in a mind set to understand & accept that our own perception about any given situation is just one of the thousand probabilities.

Let us see some scenarios to help understand who is a well wisher when & who is not:

1) In professional life no one is a permanent well wisher or not a well wisher, if we look closely enough everyone is trying to either create an opportunity to advance themselves, or will be quick on grabbing an created & left over opportunity by someone else, so these also can be understood that if someone in past may have given any candid advised, it is not necessary that they may do the same every time.

2) When being advised, or corrected by an colleague, try to pay attention to their intensions, are they speaking from their experience, are they trying to share another probability, are they encouraging you to first focus on damage control & then work on available options? If yes then at that point in time they are wishing well.

3) But in case if they are cold heartedly advising you to retaliate to the situation, encouraging you to go for an revenge, agreeing to your aggression, condemning the other or giving you hot & cold responses, that may not help you decide if you are thinking right or wrong, then they are not your well wisher.

4) If now you are being advised, corrected or even scolded by your senior, try to pay attention to their tone, if they are hyper, persistent, explaining you what & how you messed up, and that is being said then & there, even if it is in presence of many others, they mean well for you.

5) But if you are being advised, corrected or scolded by your senior, and their tone is very polite, there is no explanation on what & how you messed up, than they are doing so to make sure that the ramification of your actions do not bring about any kind of impact on the business, they are wishing well for the organization, they want you to contemplate on your own actions of making a mess & think through if you need any course corrections.

6) Watch out for any friend, colleague or a senior, are they over emphasizing on any particular subject matter related to you, that while you have an understanding of the situation, you have realized your own errors, but then they are still trying to force in yet another perspective, they are not well wishers, they are using your situation to experiment their own ways & see what may be the result.

7) Be careful with appreciation & applauds that are being given in public or presence of other colleagues, if it is only you who is being cheered up, than immediately others who may have contributed, no matter how insignificant it may be, they will immediately become envy of it & next thing you may experience is wrath from everyone of them, humbly & politely give away the credit to rest of them. Anyone who does this is not a well wisher.

8) If a colleague, friend or a senior, is sincerely giving you an listening ear, taking time to think through about your experience, taking initiative to share their own experience, trying to condole you & at the same point in time helping you to look at other perspectives & probabilities, then they are a well wisher.

9) Given the available resources online & as well as offline, every individual is getting confident in their thinking & actions, while some may stumble & standby managing the consequences, it is imperative that advise, guidance & corrections must be imparted only if it is inevitable, because if all these are not appreciated, even if one is an sincere & all time well wisher might appear to be exactly the opposite. 

10) It is not every time that someone may be looking for any advise, guidance or corrections, any sincere well wisher will always allow the person to seek for it, nevertheless the dilemma may always remain if the person giving a listening ear must keep acting as a dumb, till they are asked for help or they should jump into their role of a well wisher.

Eventually both, the one seeking help & the one giving help learns their own set of lessons from every such interactions, the wisest one will keep correcting themselves & keeps getting better, for them as well as others.