A Round Trip - Journey of a Decade!

 A Round Trip - Journey of a Decade from being self centered to becoming empathic and then realizing compassion and back to being Selfish!

​A life filled with a different set of experiences that brings about the most desired self realization, learning & unlearning is always meaningful to self & the society, whereby all of these ups & downs, highs & lows can be summarized as evolution in acceptance & adaptability.

Being Self Centered:

A phase in life, when someone is so well placed with all of their needs, skills, earning, social & professional positions that they are hardly worried or concerned to look within or beyond, they are enjoying their hard work & its results & are so profoundly busy with repeating the cycles of all that they have known & are enjoying, which leaves them immune to their surroundings. Once again all of their thinking, reasoning are derived from their consolidated belief that whatever results they are enjoying now was drawn upon by their same efforts & actions & inactions, hence they are likely to remain in this  state for as long as they are not jolted out of it with some inevitable circumstances or experiences. 

Someone may have arrived in this kind of state in their life when they have been able to produce a quantum leap in their financial, social & intellectual status after being in a struggling & upcoming phase for a long period of time. They end up misunderstanding the state as their final destination & hence continue to remain self centered in all quarters of their life.

Becoming Empathic :
After having dwelled for a long time in the state of self centeredness, one may either start looking within or beyond on their own, or may have experienced some setbacks & jolts to wake them up from that slumber sleep of self centeredness.

Hereby they are either enlightened to start looking at others & their surroundings with more sympathy & understanding, that brings about the necessary shift in their belief of self centeredness.

Now they can easily distinguish between what is & why, helping them to reconsider their thinking & reasoning about the surrounding & form actions to offer or become a solution for the given situation for themselves as well as for others.

They are now easily able to relate with the mental & emotional state of others around them, they can not only identify the triggers & reasons behind someone's actions but can also understand them with maturity & open mindedness without drawing judgments & conclusions.

They start becoming more objective in all of their thinking & reasoning, helping their professional as well as social status to boost their position, their words will be believed as everyone can see them in action, while their selfless solutions will start changing the lives of people around.

This very joy of the fulfillment of being able to impact lives around them positively, motivates them & encourages them to embark on the journey to look for more such opportunities to impact & change lives of those they can.

This may become their most important journey of their life.

Becoming Compassionate :

We mostly never try to pay attention to the little difference in the inherent meanings of the words that are formed to explain them.

Sympathy : Oh I am sorry to hear about it, we reason with them for whatever they are going through

Empathy : Oh I am sorry to hear about it, can I please be of any assistance to you?, we not only reason with them for whatever they are going through but we are even ready to offer help to them.

Compassion : Oh I am sorry, okay let's do A, or what do you think about B, or can we discuss it with someone else for C, okay let's go & get it done, do not worry I am in it with you & for you as long as it is not resolved.

Compassion brings one to a state that forms their vision so sharp & deep that they are not required to be explained about someone's problems & challenges, but instead they can view it, feel it & realize it even from afar. They can easily identify the inherent cause of any actions, or inactions from someone & can make them feel the same intensity of joy or pain that the other is going through.

They do not wait for being asked for assistance or help but will walk into their battles & complications to offer all that they have & can.

They will make the problems & challenges of others as their own & jump into it  with intensity, since they are selflessly working towards it & sometimes even with more dedication than the person whom they are helping, they are likely to get the best results out of it. Nevertheless even if they fail they will not hesitate to give it another try & then another till they get the desired results, mostly taking the front seat & leaving the actual person in pain or suffering in the back seat.

They derive a divine self satisfaction with this state & they continue to keep doing more & more of it for anyone & everyone they can.

The person is now seen as kind hearted, loving, caring, considerate & giver of all he can.

What happens to the person who for some good years has been trying to practice that Godly virtue of Compassion? It's funny!!!!! 

Being Selfish :

Any Compassionate being will always see through the pain & suffering of others, while he could not take away all that pain & suffering from them, neither can he leave them to be in that state & watch them continue to suffer, hence he will always feel compelled to act upon such revelations & that eventually keeps consuming & burning his own resources & time.

Every Compassionate being ends up attracting more & more broken people, while some are genuinely in need of that help & assistance, but majority of them are drawn to the kindness that they are able to cash in from. 

Knowingly or unknowingly the same Compassionate being becomes an enabler for those who are living with entitlement, they end up working & stressing for those who don't work & stress for themselves. Leaving them with grief & pain that they don't deserve, nor they had earned it.Many such repetitive experiences in exploring the Compassionate side of themselves, pushes them to form very strong boundaries that might look like selfishness, but yet they are inevitable for them to continue to keep believing in that very Godly virtue, Compassion & extend their help & support to only those that are genuinely in need & deserving.

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How does the boundaries of a Selfish Compassionate being work like:

A) Not to help anyone unless they BEG for it & you have verified it that they have exhausted all of their options

B) Your time, knowledge, skills & money are ONLY for yours to spend & you have earned it all with your own hard work, dedication & commitment, not to be wasted on those who are not ready to take the responsibilities of their actions that might have landed them in inconvenient circumstances.

C) Identify the narcissistic early enough, they are number one parasites thriving on Compassionate beings.

D) It is not a Sin to say NO, when you already know that the help or assistance you are extending is going to someone who is an ingrate, remorseless & indecent individual.

E) If they cannot help themselves from keeping out & away from adversaries you are not accountable to bear the fruits of their deeds & share the pain of their consequences, let them do the major self work, be only a guide & moral support system, don't become an enabler.

F) The consequences of their own actions is their right to face it & learn from it, the moment you intervene in it & try to make it your problem, you are disrupting the divine order, while you will steal the opportunity of the other to learn & grow.

G) Their bills, their rents, their illness, their fees, their siblings, their parents, read it all again, its all theirs & not yours, let it remain theirs, the moment they are ready to accept your assistance for either of it, is the moment they are already declaring the lack of self worthiness they carry, if it is totally inevitable then 5 to 10% of either of it can be your assistance that too once in a while & not all of it every time, anything more expected than just that is manipulation of your Compassionate being.

H) Have your own bucket list, of things that you want to do, items that you want to buy, places that you want to visit & budget it down & follow it with the set priority so religiously that you are overbooked with your own priorities & the only help & assistance you can offer is your Wisdom, let everyone around you learn it well, & know it clearly that you are every ready to help & assist with your wisdom as & when requested for, apart from that you are busy with everything else & totally unavailable.

I) Accept that you having the most profound virtue of being Compassionate does bring about any guarantee for you to be cherished, loved or valued, but yes there are 99% of chances that you will be used for all wrong reasons & people if you do not set these healthy boundaries.

After a decade journeying from being self centered to empathic & becoming compassionate, it may be practically impossible to again become that self centered being, but then it is inevitable for one's own sanity to become that selfish compassionate being & continue to spread the wisdom unapologetically. 

Become that Unflinching observer as much as you can see & feel the pain of others, make sure you do not add anymore to it, that alone is going to be a very profound act of kindness that you can practice & perfect it, & still continue to remain that rediscovered Compassionate being that is selfish & busy enough to love himself while is religiously following the Divine Order.